Big Dreamer

"A dreamer is one who can only find his way by the moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world" - Oscar Wilde

dreams, dreams, dreams.... Today I took the day to read and lay in the sun, and i got to thinking, my dreams are so so big, and I have to wonder am i shying away from my dreams with a sheild of complacenc?. It really kind of frightens me. I took the last few months to think, and figure things out, and boy let me tell you i have a list of dreams a mile and a half long not only dreams but expectations of life.

How do you know when it is time to break the mold? Whatever you wish to call it, the fear of losing all i have here, the friends, the relationships, and ok so maybe it is just me... I feel like most people just have it all set.

school... grow up... get married... get a legit job... have kids... live happily ever after...

while i realize that is an exaggeration, I've always know my "life plan" would be extremely different and out of the ordinary unlike the "normal" life path... i guess my question is when does this all start? Is their a letter you get in the mail, text message maybe? Most likely that is wishful thinking, and I am just supposed to "know"
Part of how i was raised was to dream big, reach for the stars and the idea that i can do anything i want and be anyone i want to be... What mom didn't tell me is how to know when to lay my cards on the table and move on.

 I asked one of my mentors and one of the few people who are not related to me and yet know me better than anyone ( aside from my mother) and he told me, "Just ask"... really it's just that simple... ask? another thing he said that struck a chord " find somthing that sticks with you somthing you cannot get out of your head or more importantly somthing that you cannot get out of your heart". ** cricket cricket** my heart yearns for so many things... travel, teach, learn, make my mark in history... And please understand that I'm not talking about my name being in history books like Ghandi or Mother Theresa, if i can touch one life just one thats good enough for me. But where does all this start, how do i know it is time....

This might seem odd seeing as I'm 21 and supposedly already started my life or whatever... and for those who believe you have four years to complete college, then get the great job, then get married, then have kids and live happily ever after... I just don't think i believe that for myself... life should be thought of two ways,

1. life is more managable when thought of as a scavanger hunt instead of as a suprise party

2. education should be thought of as a buffet... you can always go back for more as many times as you wish

So as i sit here and give you an inside look into my thoughts and life i ask...

As young and in-experienced as i am, are things as black and white as they seem?

-H.F.